Declaration of war

The ground is moving under my feet and I am in dire need of making a choice. I am clinging and clawing to a path that I know is probably not right for me and my stubborn mind tells me to ride it out, to show persistence and to never give up.......while my soul is tired and wants me to change direction..... I'm battling between being socially acceptable, to achieve some kind of status and accepting myself. I am screaming on the inside, yet smiling on the outside. I am so angry and yet, I have to control myself in public not to make a scene. I want so desperately to speak my opinion, but doing it, I know I will get burned. I have a desperate urge to express myself but know I will be judged, hard, by doing so. I'm constantly fighting for what I believe is right, while I see so many others just fight for themselves, knowing that they are wrong, just to get advantages...to get ahead.....and it works. 


I want to change things for the better, but keep banging my head against the wall while trying to make my surroundings move. I am suffering from the "good girl complex", meaning I go out of my way to achieve what is expected, without exceptions, to help out, to avoid disasters and to make things move in the right direction - just to hear that hard work doesn't pay off in the end and that no one will ever thank me for it.  How incredibly demotivating.... I don't understand that world nor its inhabitants and I think my sad conclusion is that I never will. 


I feel out of place, misunderstood, awkward, controversial, sad and desperate. I am surrounded by negative energy, being constantly stuck between a rock and a hard place...fighting for nothing while almost loosing myself. People tell me "it's not worth it" but I never listened.....well I think I have finally realized that they are right, it's not worth it....it can never be worth it......


Luckily, this is just a part of my life and thankfully not the most important part, but:
This is me declaring war against myself! This is me screaming for liberation! This is me attempting to stop caring about what others may think while making choices and decisions I know are right for me. This is ME and I will make no excuses for it! This is me swearing that from here on after - I'll be catching that dream, MY dream, not just chasing it!


xox

HAPPINESS

Coucouuu!

"Reporting", live from the KLM lounge at Schiphol airport in Amsterdam ;)
Bored (as I've been here already for an hour while my flight leaves in yet another two hours) and tired....but still HAPPY....for a number of reasons actually...

I am happy because I just realised 30 minutes ago that I'm now actually officially on HOLIDAY until Tuesday!! YAY! Currently celebrating with a glass of red (alone with my laptop, the wine and a quite heavy back-pack as my sole companions....and a bunch of strangers of course).

I am happy because I will be spending the next 4 days in Cannes with my loved one and even though I know the weather forecast says rain, I will able to relax, be near the ocean and most importantly, spend some quality time with my darling!!!!

I am happy because I have today booked a long weekend in Sweden (!!!!!!!!) in the beginning of October (5-11th)!

....happy because, allthough this is also a little bit scary, it became official last Friday that my manager is leaving and I will be taking over parts of her role (NO I am not replacing her), which means new challenges (...and I thrive on new challenges!)!

Of course, this is also a bit sad because we will be loosing such an amazing chunk of knowledge

and personality in our team, but I know she really needed the new challenge and so I am happy for her ;)

On top of this, I am happy as I'm arranging a Halloween party this year and if you have followed my blog or know me personally, you will know that I LOVE MASQURADES!!! I can't reveal any details of what or who I plan to dress up as.........it will be a "Best dressed competition"!!
I do promise pictures afterwards though ;))

If you "Wikipedia" the word happiness, this is what you will find:
"Happiness is a state of mind or feeling characterized by contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy.

A variety of philosophical, religious, psychological and biological approaches have striven to define happiness and identify its sources. Philosophers and religious thinkers often define happiness in terms of living a good life, or flourishing, rather than simply as an emotion".

I really believe life is good right now......and it's not just an emotion....not saying I have nothing to be unhappy about - but I choose to focus on the good things!

I will not forget about the bad things, but simply choose to leave the more unhappy or less pleasant parts of life to rest for a while. Why? Because life is too short to dwell on things you can not change. It sucks the life out of you! But the things you CAN change - do your utmost to get out of misery... Life is too precious to waste on wondering why you weren't offered a promotion instead of him or her, or why you weren't born with the perfect body, or why you can't get everybody to like you, or why you never win the lottery.... I will certainly complain at times, this is my right....no one is perfect and this is a big part of humanity!

But what I WON'T do is sit around and wait for HAPPINESS to just land on my lap! I already know it won't....unless you're one of a lucky few...and we can discuss those mathematical chances or odds for a while if you like, but I wouldn't want to waste my time on that either. I already know that the chances are slim ;)
Go out there and get that, him, her or whatever else! Kill 'em with a SMILE! Stay positive! Believe in yourself!! Believe that you can do anything! YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH! Aim for the stars!! Maybe you'll only reach the moon or the clouds - but so what? At least you will never have to spend your older years wondering "what if" or asking yourself "why didn't I"? At least YOU can say "I tried my best". Just remeber to choose your battles ;) Don't waste energy on trivial things.... What is important to YOU? What is on your "Bucket list"?

Dare to dream....dare to try and fail! What makes YOU happy?? GO GO GOOOO!
You can get over disappointment....you won't be the first or last ;))

I know I am repeating myself now - but seriously! "Try and fail - but don't fail to try"! We are all human....there is nothing to be ashamed of and we can never know how much time we have. What are YOU waiting for?

Quoting Deepak Chopra (again...he is great!) :
"In every moment of our existence, we are in that field of all possibilities where we have access to an infinity of choices."

xox
Linda - Currently lost in Amsterdam....Sending you all my best-red-wine-inspirational-wishes!!